Try a little tenderness

I'm blogging to you from just south of Oklahoma City, on a Wi-Fi enabled flight, god knows how high up in the air.  Which means, I navigated the airport scene... and more than that, drove to the closest major airport 97 miles north of my home. Through some rather bible belty areas in the countryside, might I add. I'm not going to embark on the cathartic rant you're expecting. I don't know any person who would tell you they enjoy the airport adventure, specifically Security. Frequently it's a less than human experience, cattle-like and it's beginning to seem like those that shower and change out of pajamas are now in the minority. I even had the distinct pleasure of witnessing a woman using her tiny dog as an emotional pacifier- tightly attached to her chest via a baby bjorn apparatus, and petting him an obsessively. After boarding my flight, I realized she was 4 feet from me:

Removing the poor animal from it's papoose

Regardless of the crazies... It's just an airport, man. Survival is possible, and god knows what I'm about to say are just reminders, and you know them by heart already.

Step 1, Come armed with some serious patience. Channel you're inner Zen Master/baked pothead for your mental wellbeing, and for everyone around you. I find that a lot of people exercise tolerance subjectively, and frankly that's just as bad as not showing patience whatsoever! 
That's a family with small kids and it really is a bitch to travel. I can identify with that, I have kids too. They might take a little longer to get through security...

Followed shortly by a new place to put frustration, 

Damn, I know you're old but planes have been around a long ass time, you know the rules by now!  You're killing me over here!

*(Kids and elderly by no means the only sources of angst at any airport, just easy pickin's for this example, yo)

I had a google maps massive fail just trying to get to the airport, and kept a cool head (although the Air National Guard entrance is apparently NOT the Valet parking entrance, FYI. Another important note, the Birmingham Airport does not have a Valet.)

I seriously can't overstate how important is to not be worked up before even getting to the airport or right when getting there. Shit, take a Xanax. We all appreciate it. Which brings me to Step 2, Kick your sense of humor into high gear.

I mean, the moment I employed this one everything got that much better.  Today, TSA seemed to find me a shifty character and UNEXPECTEDLY assisted me in the unloading of my electronics from my purse (felt a little more like a search and seizure, but hey whatevs) and then asked 3 times while I removing my watch to, "MA'AM, REMOVE YOUR WATCH AND SHOES. MA'AM, MA'AM. NOW." I seriously could have had an aneurysm we're step 2 not activated. It was actually pretty entertaining, and I did as I was told politely, no nasty looks are arguments needed, right? But really, SLOW YOUR ROLL TSA! 

Seriously, I was excited I got to keep my pants on.

But I am on my way to Vegas, afterall.... pants are optional?

 Like the pools I think, TOPTIONAL. What? It's European. Geez.

Looking forward to touching down and seeing the people that make any airport circumstances totally worthwhile. 

Lots of love folks.

-Your little Judy