This post brought to you by the letter Heich. For Hungover.

I can barely type this. I've got the brain pain, coach and I'm going to make a cliche statement right now.... I really didn't think I drank that much. Ok, I had that tequila shot, it seemed like a fun idea at the time. It always, always does. Until it doesn't. It hurts to think about typing in caps. Who kept buying me drinks? Alright, that was me. My brain is making fart sounds, and this post will be the death of me.

You and me both, little dude.

Let's just get on with this already...

I'm still deciding if this will be a product review or a dramatic retelling of our first random local night out experience. You know what? It'll be both. 

We had the fantastic opportunity to go out for a little drinkity doo dah in a city saaaaaaay 10 miles away from ours to celebrate a birthday. I have to admit, our new crew here has a sense of humor because this place was something else. I really thought I had seen it all in Vegas. In fact, before we left Las Vegas I crossed a few absolutely idiotic things off my bucket list and I felt like I was going to settle down a bit into a more peaceful, rocking-chair-on-the-front-porch style existence. 

AHAHAHA. 

Seriously I don't think I could ever do that, but I had heard rumor that this city wasn't terribly exciting and the nightlife was less than fantastic. And again, we came from Vegas... that's impossible to compete with, right?

Shit. Shiiiiiiiiiit. First things first. We pull up to a bowling alley, where we paid cover to go in. Winning already, yes? A bowling alley with a giant dance floor and stage... and a bull to ride. Wait. There's MORE. What's that music you hear? Why it's hardcore gangster rap... and who's twerking it like they're getting paid? YOUR MOM. I'm not kidding, she's your mother's age and she's sporting her Saturday night bra in that floral flock, that naughty naughty minx. Hooooooooly holy. I had a seizure. Maybe it was the strobe lights, I can't be sure (actually, no strobe lights I mean, I don't want you to think this place is over the top).  I'm incredibly grateful for the 2 small drinks I had before we arrived and I witnessed this show, but let it be known, I immediately bellied up to the bar. I had to, did you read that? The crowd at 10pm was your parents age, in fact, grandpa was here too and I just didn't understand why. Until the music abruptly stopped and I thought... no. That can't be. 

B 7

Because I'm in a nightclub/bowling alley/bar/bull riding arena.

I 39

And then your dad jumped up and bulldozed me hollering BINGOOOOOO!!!!

WTF. 

WTF.

You see why I had a shot now, don't you? Yes. 

Somewhere in the middle of this strange acid trip a rather large woman in a dress mounted the bull, we saw her lady parts, I visited the toilet and on the way back received some kind of greeting that vaguely sounded like, "I'd hit that thang", and a man in a 'Merica tee shirt showed me he lifted, bro. On the inside of one bicep was largely tattooed PROTECT and the other one, SERVE. 

I can't make this up, I'm not that imaginative. I'm recounting this the best I can with my inordinately large hangover. 

Oh yeah. Product Review time.

Drink This:

It'll fix your face.

I like it. 5 stars. High 5. Gimme 5! Whatever, it's the bomb. It tastes awful, but in all the years I've been attempting total liver failure this is the only remedy I know of that actually sets me right after a night out. I think the pineapple makes it taste less like human sweat. 

Alright, recovery time! Everyone enjoy your fabulous weekend!

- Still a little foggy but comin'-round-the-mountain, Judy