And the hits continue!

So... I had it out with a pair of old metal rings in a 1,000 degree, poorly ventilated Combat Training center on base today. I slipped off the rings hard attempting a ring muscle up after some kind of frog kicking/wild monkey swinging shit, blood all over my left hand and wrist and quietly cried on the floor. In front of maybe four men and my husband. Five men then. I found a first aid kit (as a wound care certified RN this archaic thing was a joke), crappily bandaged and wrapped my lame hand as best I could and proceeded to half ass a hero WOD. On an Air Force Base installation. I think that's actually illegal here....  half assing anything, and weeping with a quitter's mentality. I want to recap how I thought it would go based upon the previous day's skill work and consistent improvement:

You needed to know

So I've repeatedly posted meals that were absolutely wonderful, and should 100% be duplicated. No doubt. And I've received the nicest feedback from y'all (yes, it's happening let's all handle my new found love of the y'all) about the meals sounding pretty decent, and easy! Which is astounding because I can not cook to save my life, and I only cook while boozing.  But here comes the confessional, MTV style.

I've felt like a cheat. A fake. I've hidden my disasters from you. I'm sorry. So, I give you..... Judy's Jackassery 1.0. It's seriously shameful but I try unbelievably hard at everything I do and failing is really about the worst thing I can imagine. But here they are. Epic fails.

Dear Diary,

It's been 6 whole weeks since I've had any candy, and I just couldn't live like that anymore. I don't care much for dessert, but I live for what many of my girl friends affectionately refer to as man candy because their husbands love it but they can't stand it. While I was nestled all snug in my bed, visions of  88 cent knock off CVS Swedish Fish, Mike and Ike (tropical and original flavors), and Jelly Bellies danced in my head. Really truly, I had a dream last night about buying bags of the fishes and stuffing them down my face as fast as possible. So instead of pretending I wasn't going to have a break down, I just let the break down happen today. To make matters worse, I was gag gifted a pretttttty class-ay bottle of wine, and I can't help but think it was a natural pairing to wash down the full blown meltdown.

I bet this sauce is even good in your hair

I love wings. I can tank a million. Ok, that's a lie, but close for sure. Plus, I had seen fit coaches and friends blog about adding buffalo sauce to just about everything. Legitimately every meal. And I thought, these people need to branch out...until I found this at the fancy grocery store and sampled it:

This walking, talking miracle in a bottle.
I want to snuggle it and name it Terry. Oh Terry.....

Just like The Count: One Calorie, Two Calorie, Three Calorie. MUA AH HA!

About a month ago, I instituted some pretty challenging dietary standards for myself. Specifically no dairy in any form, desserts, or candy. It was, and still continues to be an ingenious plan to live a little healthier. Of course, I've had a couple of slips, and I've eaten a few items that aren't exactly fitting the health food category. But in moderation, I've held back on far more deliciousness than I've given into. I was certain, just certain my new changes coupled with almost exclusively Paleo choices would allow me to maintain my happy weight and hey, maybe even drop a pound or two while making gains in my fitness endeavors. I mean, boom! Check out those rippling muscles, right?

This post brought to you by the letter Heich. For Hungover.

I can barely type this. I've got the brain pain, coach and I'm going to make a cliche statement right now.... I really didn't think I drank that much. Ok, I had that tequila shot, it seemed like a fun idea at the time. It always, always does. Until it doesn't. It hurts to think about typing in caps. Who kept buying me drinks? Alright, that was me. My brain is making fart sounds, and this post will be the death of me.

You and me both, little dude.

Let's just get on with this already...

Mind your meat

Like most Pinterest users, I am notorious for pinning and never doing. I've also never really been a fan of pork chops, and when I found this recipe it looked really delicious:

Double Crunch Honey Glazed Pork Chops

I know! Take a gander at that picture it's amazing.

Let it be known that is not what my chops will look like.

I thought, what would make this better than to sub in Gluten-Free and Paleo alternatives? So I did.

I'm going to get hate mail for this.

But it has to be said. And I absolutely under no circumstance should incriminate the party that made me do this. Don't read to far into this, of course...

....because, it's just a hypothetical. What organization I'm talking about.

 Naturally.

Welcome home, Judy!

Woah, it's been a Roller Coaster of a past week! I had the grand opportunity to go back to my old stomping grounds for a few days and fit in as many visits with friends, workouts, and delicious sushi meals as possible. While I never get to see everyone, no matter how long I have, I feel like the shotgun approach was still a success and I had a BLAST. Pun always intended. While I'd prefer not to give you the ridiculously long/painful story of my first ER visit, and tale of self imposed temporary blindness... that happened this past Saturday on my way back home to Alabama. And I spent my first overnight in my new state being treated for a strange, severe reaction.

I didn't do this. Don't lie, it's exactly what you thought.

Try a little tenderness

I'm blogging to you from just south of Oklahoma City, on a Wi-Fi enabled flight, god knows how high up in the air.  Which means, I navigated the airport scene... and more than that, drove to the closest major airport 97 miles north of my home. Through some rather bible belty areas in the countryside, might I add. I'm not going to embark on the cathartic rant you're expecting. I don't know any person who would tell you they enjoy the airport adventure, specifically Security. Frequently it's a less than human experience, cattle-like and it's beginning to seem like those that shower and change out of pajamas are now in the minority. I even had the distinct pleasure of witnessing a woman using her tiny dog as an emotional pacifier- tightly attached to her chest via a baby bjorn apparatus, and petting him an obsessively. After boarding my flight, I realized she was 4 feet from me:

I MAED THIS

Quick introduction to my cooking skills, I have few. Quickest intro ever, huh?  Regardless, I really do find cooking therapeutic! While I can teccccchhhhhhhnically cook without music and alcohol, I can't actually tell you that I enjoyed it. So today's meal is a mash up of my "Whoop Whoop Get Happy" playlist, vodka cocktail(s), and a flurry of knives. Aren't you excited?! I know I am!!

Now we can begin.

  I decided on Paleo Pad Thai, we don't get a lot of tasty healthy ethnic food around here, so  I need this BAD.

All ingredients below for entire meal:

 Upper Right:  Hodge podge of ingredients to make Sunshine Sauce to go on Pad Thai
Upper Left: Behold the fuel that makes this all possible
Bottom: Actual Pad Thai ingredients

I can't get enough of this site

I've probably been randomly perusing and purchasing from this site for 3-4 years. I am enamored with the sheer volume of artistry collected and presented here, and the many ways you can personalize each work to suit your decorative or fashion needs.